Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
