you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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