I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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