Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
