from now on my penis is your penis
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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