Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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