I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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