I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
