She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
