Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
