My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
