i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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