eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
