Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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