The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
