I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
