we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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