I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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