you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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