i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
