I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
