i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
