just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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