i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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