it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This is the high leading the old right now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Randomize
