so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
