she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
