the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
