did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
