I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
