hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
