Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
