party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
