Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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