I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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