you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
