My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it because I queefed?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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