ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You're like the curious george of whores
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
