thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
