Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
