hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Acid is not a monday night drug
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
