that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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