hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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