Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
