New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
