I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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