Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
