this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
