my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
