why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
