Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
