I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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