Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
