i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Every concussion has its silver lining
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
