ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
