you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
