I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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