I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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