We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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