There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
