Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Randomize
