and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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