so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
