Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize