Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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