the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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