I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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